There’s not a week that goes by that I don’t think about writing and yet here we are.
I don’t think life will ever stop being a constant juggle of work, bills, planning trips to see family and deciding what to do next. I struggle focusing on anything else other than that and end up in a limbo. It’s not that I don’t have time to write and post here because I do, I just don’t feel like sitting for an hour putting my thoughts into words that will constantly look that I am moaning. That was something I promised myself not to do with this blog – come here just to say how difficult life has been because to be honest, things have been going well, it’s just a lot at the same time.
Just in the past 3 months we’ve been dealing with getting pregnant, applying for a mortgage, dealing with thousands of documents, uncertainty, looking for a house, trying to figure out fees, moving jobs and dealing with anxiety. Exactly in that order. We have too many folders with more paper than I’ve ever had to deal with and still things are not set. It’s taking my mind day and night as I can’t pull apart from everything that has not yet been solved.
To be honest, the pregnancy has been my constant reminder to stop and breathe. To be thankful and enjoy the sun outside. In the middle of the chaos, it’s been my incentive to slow down and to be happy – and I really am.
We have nothing prepared, we barely got the baby any clothes. Part because we’re dealing with changing jobs and understanding if we will have to rely on only one income for a while and part because we don’t know the gender yet. Say what you want, but there are very few unisex baby clothes to chose from. I’m not a ‘Boys wear blue and girls wear pink’ kind of person but you just have so many other options if you know what your baby will be.
Our next ultrasound is on the 1st of April (yep, April fools) and it’s the morphology scan, a much detailed exam to see every single part of the baby’s body. I am very excited for that – every ultrasound is like our own little date and the fact that Kevin has been able to come with me to all the scans I’ve done is even better. This has been keeping me going these past months, I’m just happy that we are having a baby.
I actually have another post written – it’s been sitting on my e-mail for at least a month now. It talks about guilt and trying to look at things on the brighter side and I will post it as soon as I take some nice pictures to go with it – I promised myself that I will do it this weekend so fingers crossed I find the inspiration to go ahead with it.
The Oxford weather is still very cold but the sun has been out much more than before and it’s coming up earlier and earlier now. I wake up at 6am to go to work and it’s already light outside – this puts my mood up and makes Mondays much easier to deal with. I can already see flowers sprouting everywhere (thanks daffodils!) and I am sure that bluebells will start growing very soon! We’ve been inside our little flat for too long and I just feel like going out for walks and picnics. It’s 18C this weekend so I’m actually up to some outdoors afternoon tomorrow.
Kevin loves summer while I am more of a spring/autumn kind of person. I love mild weather, flowers and autumn’s pretty colours (I just love yellow and orange).
What’s your favourite season?