Too much on my plate

I’ve been married for almost 3 years and have moved three times – one of them was overseas. When you have so much on your plate in so little time it’s extremely easy to forget about yourself.

I’ve always loved to read and write, it’s something I have a passion for. I would long to come home after work just to continue the story that I had to stop the night before. I have journals – three of them – that have hundreds of scribbled pages. I used to sit down and do it, I loved to learn and to start new courses – challenging myself.

I think the fact that everything that has happened challenged me so much in every single way possible, I now tend to try to ‘escape’ it by ignoring what I’m feeling. I would think that it would be nice to start a new book but had none at home. I would want to get my favorite pen to write but next minute I would just give up. My workplace actually offered to pay me some courses to make me grow on my career but I haven’t chosen what I want to do.

I’ve noticed this was happening around a year ago but haven’t tried to change it until I could see that it was affecting my marriage. I would be extremely moody, anxious, extremely tired and not looking forward the weekends. I can’t say I had depression but I was really close.

The first thing I did was to take a deep breath, then I put things to action. Organised my house, started writing, made a blog and I am now choosing which course I want to do and planning on learn how to knit, paint and calligraphy. I feel energised and proud of what I’m doing/ who I am. I missed this feeling.

I can still get myself feeling a bit down once in a while but everybody does. I can see how much healthier my way of thinking is and how it has impacted positively on my husband. We’re in a much better place now together. I just love it.

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After a really rainy week, we’ve had sunshine today. I like to think it was just because I got the day off from work to finish some Christmas shopping and take some time to myself. My day was amazing and I forgot how much I enjoy spending some time alone – it’s like I’ve met myself all over again.

On the ups and downs of life I have thousands reasons to be thankful today and that’s all that I am.

Please notice that even though I was able to snap out of it, depression is real and can come and go. If you are struggling with your feelings – please reach for a family member, friends and/or your doctor. There’s no shame on getting a bit of help and maybe all you need is someone to turn on the lights.

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Nadine

A walk at the park + daily ramblings

I write this on a cold Saturday, the sun as a gentleman that he is has let the clouds go first and make the day extremely grey. 

Last weekend we went to see The Crimes of Grindewald with a friend at VUE in Oxford. Even though I now live in Wiltshire I’m just a drive away from Oxfordshire and truth be told I’ve missed living there for the past 2 months since I’ve moved so we get any chance we have to visit her. I can’t complain, VUE is a quite good cinema and I enjoy it every time I go there minus the bathrooms – they remind me of McDonald’s ones – So I get myself sipping my drink slowly so I don’t have to go until I get back home. 

I’ve also been looking forward Christmas a lot. The past two years we’ve spent in England we had lovely friends that invited us to spend the Holidays with them but it’s never the same as family. This year we’ll spend it with Kevin’s family in Sweden for the first time. Not only that but we will go on a (veeeeeeery long) road trip from Wiltshire to Skellefteå so needless to say we’ll be driving through France/Germany/Denmark and some other countries in between. I’m still a bit nervous about the length of the trip and how we’re going to do that as I’m normally the one to just get a plane because it’s quicker and easier but Kevin tends to differ. He loves the idea of ‘adventure’ even though it means he will have to drive for 30 hours one way.  

I still get the shivers when I think about the amount of time it will take but I’m trying to enjoy the idea of something I wouldn’t do if I wasn’t married to him – something that I know I probably won’t regret in the end.  

I am trying not to be negative and look on the bright side: I’ll be able to share the experience. Not only on the blog but to my children and grandchildren. It’s a nice thing to do when we haven’t gotten children or pets yet, just the two of us. I plan on sharing everything – from snacks we’re bringing with us to the whole Christmas experience in Sweden on several posts and maybe even a video of the trip. So stay tuned for that – I’m bringing the camera everywhere! 

We’ll spend two weeks there and then we’re coming back with Kevin’s “little” brother (he’s taller than Kevin so not THAT little) with us so he can spend a week going around England as this will be the first time he’s left Sweden. 

For now we’re trying to have laid back weekends until we go (just a bit more than 20 days left) so we don’t pack ourselves up with things to do and dread leaving on the 21st of December after work. So when going to Church last Sunday we’ve discovered that they have a big lake surrounded by forest (as big of a forest as you can have here in the UK, but well) and we’ve decided to go for a nice walk today. 

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England is truly a beautiful land. There are not many woods around here but the great planes are great indeed – Every season compliments the landscape in a way. I can’t decide my favourite but it looks amazing when Autumn while it’s still okay to be out for more than one hour and not freeze.

We weren’t that lucky as we went a bit late for red and orange trees and now it’s more like a brownish colour on the ground with naked trees all around. We still spotted some wildlife as they tend to hide when it gets colder.

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 It was a really pleasant walk – I’ve sat in a closed office all week, I just needed some time outside spotting cute little things along the way. I’ve also spotted thousands of dogs, and I was crazy to target them with my camera lens but thought the owners might find it a bit weird – or not – if you are a dog lover you probably are able to understand another dog lover. Maybe next time I’ll ask for some shots.

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Have you watched The Crimes of Grindewald movie? What did you think about it?

Do you have any road trip tips? Have you ever had one? I’d love to hear good stories about a trip you’ve done so I can feel calmer about driving across so many countries at once!

I wish you all a very lovely week ahead.

-Nadine